|
swallowing_habits
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jane
Interests: (i love having the satisfaction of knowing i can control what i eat when so many others can't) (i hate working out) (i love winter) (i practically live off of diet coke)
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/23/2005
|
|
| 
Intake so far: 30 calories
It probably won't stay like that for much longer though. I hate
myself. I've been doing really bad lately still. Now that
school's out and I can relax, hopefully I'll be able to get back on
track again.
| | |
| Damn...sorry about the not updating in forever thing.
Anyway, intake lately has been bad as
usual. I've been purging like no other. I'm still stressed
beyond belief because I have to have 15 hours of community service for
government class due on Friday, and I only have 5.5 hours (actually 7.5
now because today I cleaned equipment at the gym for 2 hours which was
complete hell because not only am I sick, but I'm allergic to dust
also). So that makes 7.5 to go in 2 days. This sucks.
And I purged just now and my throat was already sore because like I
said, I'm sick so now it hurts even more 
I'm trying to gain control again. I really am.
| | |
| Motherfucker! What the hell is wrong with me??!! I binged
AGAIN today! What the fuck. I need to stop stressing out
and I need to start getting more sleep. I know that's why I've
been bingeing like crazy lately. There's just so much to do and
not enough time to do it. The horrible part is that not only did
I go to sleep after I binged, then wake up and eat more, I didn't even
go to taekwondo tonight. The good news is I at least purged a
little after dinner (which was fettacini, dammit). Tomorrow I'm
back on track. The past couple of days, it's been like
this: binge, restrict, binge, restrict, binge. That needs
to stop ASAP. Tomorrow, no lunch as usual, and when I get home,
I'm going straight to bed as not to eat. I could look on the
bright side and say I won't be so tempted tomorrow because I ate all
the junk food today haha...Okay, not so funny, I know. I've
gained 4 fucking pounds from this shit. I hate myself so much
right now.
And my insomnia's coming back. It's definitely not as bad as it
was during summer though, thank God. (I was staying up until 10
am over summer and not waking up until 4 or 5 pm--I was basically
nocturnal.)
Anyway, peace out. Have to study for chemistry! And
vocab.! Woofuckinghoo! Then I'm getting my lardass up and
exercising.
 jane
| | |
| Okay, today I'm back on track.
INTAKE:
Breakfast: 15 Fat-Free Pretzel Sticks (39 calories)
Lunch: Water (0 calories)
Snack: Reduced-Sugar Pudding (60 calories)
Dinner:
Yogurt (80 calories) 1 Egg (70 calories) Reduced-Sugar Pudding (60
calories) 1 Reduced-Sugar Granola Bar (90 calories because I picked off
all the chocolate chips.)
TOTAL: 400 calories
Eh, so I binged a little at dinner, but the total is still okay so
that's cool. I'm going to try to stay under or at 500 calories a
day until New Year's Eve so I can lose some weight for then. My
goal is to be 105 by New Year's Eve and after my huge binge yesterday,
I now have 10 fucking pounds to lose to get there. Arrrgggghhhh.
jane
| | |
| Oh fuck. I
binged really bad today. I'm talking HORRIBLY, DISGUSTINGLY
bad. I lost count of calories a while ago. I probably had
about 3,000 calories. I gained 3 lbs. (mostly water weight though
because I had 4 bottles of water= 2 liters). Holy shit, I ate
everything in sight. No kidding.
EVERYmotherfuckingTHING. I want to kill myself. I really
do. I don't care if I'm being a drama queen, ya'll would be
freaking out too if you just did this. I feel like I just
murdered the president or something. I'm scared and lonely and
angry and it feels like everything is spinning and I can't make it
stop. I want to cry but I can't. I want to purge, but it's
too late. I want it to be tomorrow so I can start fresh, but I've
lost all hope of regaining control. I want to cut, but I
seriously can't do that anymore--I'm already never going to be able to
wear a bathing suit again in my life (not that I would anyway
considering how morbidly OBESE I am). I'm so ashamed right
now. I just want to die. I'm yearning for the feeling of
hunger. I just ate 11 days worth of food today. Dammit, I'm
such a fucking failure. I feel like I let you all down.
I'm sorry guys.
| | |
|
